Academic Probation
by Mister Pineapple
Summary: (AUShonen ai)Life isn't boring until you get a dose of excitement. Even educators need some spice in their life. NaruSasu
1. Chalk Dust

Pineapple: Because I'm angry, that's why. 

Pineapple's Brain: "What? THAT'S your excuse!"

Pineapple: Yuh-huh.

Pineapple's Brain: "That's it. I'm outta here..." (Commence feet on stairs, slamming door,  
wheels squealing, aeroplane passing overhead noises)  
Pineapple: Duuuu-h Puh-leaze enjoy. Hyuck yuck yuck.

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Naruto is my homie, but I don't own him or the others. 

One-shot; AU; shonen-ai; Naruto/Sasuke. Yeah, baby.

Sasuke's about 25; Naruto about 22. Let's see some age difference, people!

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Ladies and gentlemen, loosen your seatbelts, it's time to rock n' roll.

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He couldn't teach children, because they're messy and noisy and just plain unbearable. It was pretty much the same for high schoolers, except angst and smart-assness was also thrown into the mix. 

But he wanted to teach, and he pretty much wasn't good at anything else.

So when it came time to decide on a career, he figured he'd play it safe and go with middle school. After all, the 'middle' implies the stage of growth where hormones are too much for kids to not notice the opposite sex, but not quite at the point where they realize they can do something about it.

Besides, it's funny watching boys go through puberty.

So Uchiha Sasuke went about his life, finishing high school, applying, entering, and graduating from college, and quickly landing a job teaching brats in his chosen age group.

It was all smooth sailing. Maybe even a little too easy. But whenever that particular thought crossed his mind, he'd shrug it off. No use questioning the grace of Lady Luck.

Three years passed easily enough. Relationships came and went (nothing serious though), faces passed, and Sasuke taught. Weekdays were spent teaching the hope of the future (a future Sasuke would dread when dealing with certain students) and week nights ended in bed by ten thirty. Weekends were spent pouring over a vast stamp collection. Teacher salaries never allow for beer blasts, stein hoists, or keggers; not that such activities interested him.

His stamps were there and gave him something to do. Simple as that.

So one day, that one day that would forever stick in his mind, the one that changed every following day from being 'just a day' to either a good day or a horrendously bad day; one day,  
even though he had plenty of sleep the previous night, Sasuke couldn't help but wonder how he had possibly managed to wake up late.

Not that he regretted it though.

So there he was, going just a little bit over the speed limit, desperately trying to get to school before the teachers' bell sounded, when a golden-haired maniac darted in front of his car.

Of course, he was still driving slow enough to apply the brakes and successfully not hit the dumbass, but for a few seconds that seemed like a life time, all he and his almost-victim could do was stare at each other in shock. Frozen black met dumbstruck blue for a time before reality broke in and the blonde scowled and kicked Sasuke's front bumper in outrage.

In retaliation, Sasuke punched his horn, making the blonde leap a few feet into the air.

While Sasuke smirked like no tomorrow, the other flipped him the bird and stalked off.

Match point: Uchiha.

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Arriving at school a few minutes later than he would have liked (parking was atrocious,  
Sasuke found himself called before the principal's office. He had definitely made it just as the teacher's bell sounded, so he had no idea why he was there. He was quiet, he was very cleanly,  
and he most definitely didn't harass other teachers or have a social life that would cause problems. Hell, did he even have a social life? 

But the principal immediately flashed him that disarming smile, the one that instantly raised his hackles in defense because he knew, by experience, that it was THAT smile she used to sucker and con people into doing her bidding.

And when she stepped aside from the door, a stupidly-familiar figure was revealed that made Sasuke wish he had just called off.

"Hey there." The yellow-headed almost-victim smiled, his eyes squinting, no doubt the reason why he didn't tackle Sasuke on sight. The Uchiha backed away just in case.

The eyes opened, friendly and earnest and blue, blue, blue, freezing Sasuke in place. Friendly, that is, until recognition dawned and was replaced by murderous rage. He opened his mouth to say something (or scream, most likely), but the curious and stern look from the principal shut him up before anything could be said or done.

They settled on glaring instead.

Ignoring them, the principal quickly introduced Sasuke and mumbled something about him having to show the new teacher to his classroom. That being said, she closed the door in their protesting faces and went about her business.

Sasuke stood there for just a moment before angrily whipping around dragging off the stunned educator. Hissing about the injustices of the world, he promptly forgot about the blonde struggling under his head-lock until he was in front of his own classroom door. A few early students milled around them, gaping at the spectacle.

Letting go, he waited a moment while the other caught his breath and the colour returned to his face.

"What room number do you belong in?" He frowned. He really didn't want to deal with this. Just looking at the boyish face and bright hair made him angry.

The victim stood, massaging his neck and muttering to high holy hell. After a moment his eyes opened again, taking in his surroundings.

"You don't have to help me. My room's right there." He frowned, pointing to the room next to Sasuke's.

Next to Sasuke's.

**Next**... **To**... **Sasuke's**...

The room that shared an interconnected closet with Sasuke's, meaning a crummy little space lined with shelves and steeped with junk that connected their classrooms. A closet that had no doors covering either end, because of budget cuts, making both classrooms completely open each other.

It seemed Lady Luck was really a bitch.

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Sniff. After all this time, I'm finally releasing this fic. It's the second oldest, right after HORSE. I've spent so much time pouring over it, redrafting and toying with it... (_Shudder_- My friends are right, I'm too sentimental...) 


	2. Paper Planes

I'm hurrying, I'm hurrying, geez...

One loooooong story broken up, updates are definite until I reach the spot I left off at on the master version.

Sigh- Writing disclaimers is a pain in the ass...Masashi Kishimoto's story doesn't belong to me.

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After his victim found his way to his respective classroom, Sasuke found the rest of the morning hard to deal with. For some reason, (probably due to more budget cuts, no doubt) the connected room was given to the A.M. Kindergarten class. He was used to the silence of the formerly-empty room, and the sudden noises and life that floated into his class sometimes caught him at the most unexpected moments, making him jumpy and paranoid. 

At one point Sasuke was writing a series of questions on the chalkboard, his back to the class, when a bunch of the girls starting giggling and making cooing noises.

_They better not be staring at my ass again._

Turning around, he discovered the girls not looking at his glutes, but at a little kid who had wandered into his room.

He stared down at the brat.

The kid stared back, clutching a homemade pinwheel in one hand; a stuffed animal in the other.

"OI-! INARI, I'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU!" The blonde-  
victim-teacher barreled into the room, ignoring Sasuke's gaping mouth. He enveloped the child in a relieved hug, then lifted him onto his shoulders. During the whole scene, the little boy looked around the class with shiny-eyes, a look of wonder plastered on his face. Shocked for a moment, the students froze before launching a bunch of excited questions.

"Hey... uh... Hey... uh..." He smiled, rubbing his head nervously with his free hand. "I'm the new Kindergarten teacher. I teach in the classroom next door." Some of Sasuke's female students smiled in rapture at the bashful man, the boys snickered at his antics.

"Naruto-sensei, I have to use the paaahhhhty." Inari drawled.

"Ah-! Ah-! Don't go on my shoulders! Just wait a minute for me to take you to the bathroom!" Naruto zipped out of the room through the closet, leaving Sasuke glaring at his dust and the kids in hysterics.

"Hey, Uchiha-sensei, can we call you by your first name?" One of the girls asked mischievously.

"NO." Sasuke turned back to his task.

When the bell signaled the end of the period and time for lunch, Sasuke slumped into his desk in tired relief. From his open window he could see Naruto leading his students to their waiting parents, like a mother hen. Near the end of the line a child tripped, and Naruto was at her side in an instant; picking her off the ground and brushing the dirt off. Kneeling down, he tied her shoelace, saying something Sasuke couldn't make out, but assumed had something to do with tying laces properly.

The children were gone quickly enough, and when the last was safely with his parents,  
Naruto swiftly turned around, catching Sasuke's eyes with his own. "HEY, SASUKE! LET'S GET SOME LUNCH, HUH!" Even at a distance, Naruto's voice was loud enough to nearly shatter Sasuke's eardrums.

Picking himself off the floor, Sasuke stuck his head out the window and scowled. "Hey! Who said you could call me by my first name!" He shouted just enough to reach Naruto. "And why would I want to eat with you!" He added as an afterthought. Frowning in indignation,  
Naruto ran across the lawn and reached Sasuke in mere moments.

Speedy bastard.

Naruto poked his head into Sasuke's classroom, almost into Sasuke's face. "Is it because we haven't properly been introduced? My name's Uzumaki Naruto, but you can call me Naruto. I just graduated with my teaching degree, and this is my first teaching job. It's pretty fun, a lot easier than I expected it to be, but then again, I do really well with kids and-"

"Uzumaki-"

"Naruto." He grinned.

"Naruto... why would I want to eat lunch with you?" Sasuke turned away from the window and Naruto, heading to his door, fully intending to ignore the dummy for the rest of his life.

"Sasuke-"

"It's Uchiha."

"Uchiha, that's not very nice!"

A firm hand gripped his shoulder before he could slide the door open. Spinning around,  
Sasuke found himself looking slightly up to a pouting Naruto, who had climbed through his window. He couldn't help but notice the looming figure was not only taller than him, but had a slightly built frame that easily outsized him.

"What kind of teacher are you?" Sasuke yelped, fighting back a vibrant blush.

"What? I'm a new teacher, and I don't know my way around the school yet. You're the only guy I know, so it seems pretty reasonable that I ask you to show me the way to the teacher's lounge."

Sasuke quietly cursed Naruto and his rationality before leading him out of the classroom,  
willing his face to return to its usual impassive expression. All though the school wasn't very large (it held only Kindergarten through eighth grade in a small town), it felt like an eternity and beyond had passed listening to Naruto's jabber-jawing. The idiot just wouldn't take a hint and stop!

Once in the teacher's room, Sasuke had every intention of leaving the blonde so he could eat in the privacy of his own room, like he usually did. However, Naruto insisted he stick around, if only to introduce him to the other teachers.

"Everyone, this is Uzumaki. Uzumaki, everyone." His piece said, Sasuke turned to leave.

"Hey, wait! Don't be like that- I only just started working here, and I really don't want to make enemies on the first day-"

Sasuke couldn't help but think the other should have thought of that BEFORE almost getting squished by his car that morning.

"-Anyway, stay and have lunch. You're the only one I know here-"

"You don't know me." Sasuke muttered flatly.

"Aw- Don't be like that. If it's about this morning, I'm not mad about it any more."

"What happened this morning?" Asked a curious teacher whom Sasuke knew to be a horrendous gossip. Oblivious, Naruto turned to her, rubbing the back of his head.

"Sas- I mean, Uchiha almost ran over me before school!" He laughed like it was no big deal.

"It wasn't my fault. YOU ran in front of ME."

Naruto smiled mischievously. "Then make it up to me by staying for lunch."

"That doesn't make sense." Sasuke glared, taking a seat. Naruto grinned, squinting, and made a peace sign to the others. They chuckled appreciatively, no one had ever gotten the better of Ice-teacher Uchiha. The school year was looking in their favor.

Through the lunch period, Sasuke had to admit Naruto was an interesting person,  
although he pretended he wasn't listening to the crazy stories. Besides being an engaging conversationalist, Naruto used unusual word combinations that normally wouldn't belong together, yet made them fit. He also twisted and moved and made facial and hand gestures that made him seem more animated.

"-Yeah! And my first summer out of high school I got a job as a shoe salesman, and hoo boy, was that short lived! My very first customer was this really huge guy, and while I was helping him into some size twelves, he lost his balance! I swear, the only thing running through my mind was 'Is this what cow tipping is like?'. Of course he landed on me, but I got fired anyways."

Naruto picked himself off the floor, where he had been simulating being crushed. "Right after that I got a job on a tuna boat, but that only lasted two weeks because I kept falling off. Believe me, a boat full of stinky fish and greasy floors is no place a guy can keep his balance. The Coast Guard had a real laugh this one time my crew accidently left me behind."

At this point, most, if not all of the present teachers were rolling in hysterics at Naruto's comical interpretation of being stranded in water. Sasuke himself had to bite the inside of the cheek to keep himself from laughing. Naruto had a strange sense of pride and humility that attracted others like a beacon. It wasn't long before the rest of the teachers seemed to gravitate to their table.

Naruto's antics put Sasuke at ease, but it wasn't enough to offset the closeness of so many others that did not mix well with his loner personality. Before the bell signaled the end of the lunch period, Sasuke vacated his chair and hurried out of the room. Naruto stared at his back,  
frowning, before rejoining the conversation.

As soon as the Uchiha returned to his room, he sat heavily in his battered chair (thank you, cheap school administration) and began eating his lunch.

Not too long after the lunch period ended, Sasuke started grading papers. Every once in a while he'd stop to sip some coffee or shake his head in wonder at completely inept students, but other than that he payed complete attention to the task at hand.

"BOO!"

Which is why he flew back from his chair and smacked his noodle soundly against the chalkboard behind him when Naruto's face popped into view.

"Argh- You sunnova-" Sasuke trailed off, fighting back tears as he cradled his aching cranium. Naruto clutched his sides in jubilation.

"Man-oh-man..." The blonde wheezed when he was finally able to draw breath without laughing. Who'd have thought the Mister-I'm-So-Cool would be so jumpy?

"What are you doing here? Don't you have lunch to finish or something?" Sasuke glared at the un-affected Uzumaki.

"Oh, I'm already done. I'm just wondering why you left without saying anything."

Sasuke muttered something unintelligible.

"What was that?" Naruto leaned in closer.

"I SAID I DON"T DO WELL WITH CROWDS, OKAY!"

"Oh." Naruto responded, rubbing his ears. "Sorry."

"Sorry?"

"Yeah." Naruto grinned sympathetically. "If I had known, I wouldn't have made you stay." Well, this was interesting. Mister Uzumaki could be quite understanding when he felt like it.

Before long, the two had gone into a truce of sorts. Naruto would talk, Sasuke would grunt once in a while in response. The first period after lunch was Sasuke's planning period, and Naruto didn't teach the P.M. Kindergarten class, because as he put it: "I was hired to replace the old biddy that was supposed to have retired by now, but she's clinging to this job like a leech. So until she either finally lets go or breaks a hip, I'm only working half-duty."

Surprisingly, a month passed and the two stayed on good, if a bit shaky, terms. And then came along the bachelor party, the night that opened Sasuke's eyes.

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That's all for today, folks.  



	3. B is for Bootylicious

Gasp! I'm back, keeping it regular! And not in the bathroom sort of way either!

Standard disclaimer: I disclaim everything that is Naruto.

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For the most part, Sasuke and Naruto ate their lunches in the roomy space of the Uchiha's class room, but not all the time. On days when Sasuke was being particularly sulky, or Naruto just felt like being around people that conversed in more than single sentence responses, Naruto would eat in the teacher's lounge and leave the brunette to his own devices. It was on one of those days that a fellow teacher announced that he was engaged and that everyone (male, that is) was invited to his ending-of-freedom party. And, of course, Naruto made it his personal mission make sure Sasuke a.k.a. Mister-Stick-Up-His-Ass a.k.a. Master Hermit joined the festivities. 

"C'mon, Sasuke-" (Sasuke had finally allowed Naruto to be on first name basis after a four hour argument that threatened to turn into an all-nighter)"It'll be fun. You can't spend every night with your stamps." How Naruto had wrung that piece of information out of Sasuke no one would ever know.

"No."

"It'll be fun, really." In a lowered voice, "There'll be strippers..."

"No. Don't ask me again, I'm not changing my mind."

Fast forward to that Friday night: At a local strip club, among the teachers and faculty that he never associated with outside of school grounds, Uchiha Sasuke couldn't help but wonder how he had been convinced to go along. The booming noises of music and drunken conversation surrounded him, and he was more than positive if he wasn't already buzzed he would have a full blown headache.

"CELLLL-AHHH-BRATE GOOD TIMES- COME AWN!" Naruto crowed beside him,  
having gone through several drinks, both exotic and local. In other words, he was thoroughly smashed. Their fellow teachers weren't all too different, choosing to relieve their stress in the same fashion. Uchiha, on the other hand, had the sense to nurse his drinks instead of knocking them back.

"Sssssssaaaaaassskay, why don' you go for a dance?" The sloppy man drawled. "Look- that priddy lil' one over there's been giving you the ole' googly eyes." Then, "I'll paaaaay–" He sing-songed, waving the woman over with a hand full of dollars.

Shaking his head and waving his arms furiously, Sasuke vainly tried to steer off the stripper. It seemed she was dead set on filling the empty space on his lap, but veered off at the last minute when someone holding twenties screamed for her attention.

"Yer no fun." The blonde snorted, then leaned over the counter to the stage and slipped the money into someone's g-string. The woman favored him with a smile, which he returned lopsided while Sasuke hid his face in his hands.

"How embarrassing-" He muttered into his palms.

"No fun at all." Uzumaki laughed, calling for more liquor. By the time Sasuke deemed it safe to venture from his sanctuary, there was a fresh drink in front of him and two more in front of the other. The craziness around them still ensued, everyone cheering on the head librarian who had found enough drunken courage to go on stage.

It was about the time that the inebriated man fell off the platform that Naruto turned and squinted into Sasuke's face, close enough that a strange gleam could be seen through his eyelashes.

"Hey, Sasuke-"

"Eh?" Surprisingly, Naruto's voice had sounded almost... sober.

"Really, how come you don't want a lap dance?" He asked conspiratorially, yet still serious.

_Is this guy really drunk?_ "No reason." Sasuke shrugged, leaning back from his stool to stretch and discreetly glance at a wall clock behind him. A strange heavy weight settled onto his lap, snapping him back to attention.

"I guess it's up to me to entertain youuuuuuuuuuu-" Mixtures of blue and gold assaulted his vision, breath puffing into his face, tinged with alcohol and slightly sour. There was something vaguely challenging in that tone, and Sasuke couldn't help but retort.

"You're bigger than me."

"And you talk too much..." The loud voice suddenly got quiet, trailing off into a smirk. Suddenly the blonde shifted his weight and -Oh, Gawd, what was this friction?- before the Uchiha could say or do anything, his lips were captured. A strange hot shiver, like roiling balls of molten _something_ shooting from his toes to his brain and everything in between, jolted up and down his spine. The lips retreated quickly enough, accompanied by a smirk and a whispery chuckle, and he was about to move for more-

"HEY! I GOT FIFTY BUCKS THAT SAYS NO ONE CAN BEAT ME IN THE ARCADE!" Someone screamed.

"**WHAT!** I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I'M INTERNATIONALLY KNOWN AS THE PINBALL WIZARD! I'LL WHOOP YER ASS BACK TO MOMMA!"

And all too soon the weight was gone, leaving Sasuke to bask in fading warmth and confused thoughts while a pole dancer stuck her butt in his face in frustration.

For the rest of the night he zoned out, until a waving hand crossed his vision, effectively snapping him out of it.

"Sir?" The timid bartender hovered beside him. "Sir, your party has left and we're about to close..." Looking around, Sasuke saw that the establishment had indeed emptied out. Waiters were overturning chairs onto tables and picking up empty bottles and shot glasses, the dancers were fully clothed and departing. Soiled tablecloths were piled on the bar, presumably to be cleaned. The clock read 2 am.

"Sir? I've already ordered a taxi for another customer, if you don't feel like driving I'm sure he wouldn't mind sharing it with you-" Barely listening, Sasuke nodded in agreement. He'd arrived with a group of faculty, but seeing as they'd left him he had no other choice but to call a cab.

As if on cue, a checkered yellow and black car pulled in front of the building and honked, and the pile of tablecloths shifted and_ giggled_. While Sasuke stared incredulously, the bartender jumped, then, catching himself, quickly strode to the mass and pulled it off the counter. The whole thing fell with a gigantic **_FWOOMPH_**, and the wooden floor trembled slightly when it landed.

"Ooh- Man, you've ruined my fort!" Tugging the sheets off his face, none other than Uzumaki Naruto squinted up at the dumbfounded Uchiha.

"Sasuke! You're just in time! Quick- help me fix the fort before Colonel Klink and General Obunaga try to raid us! Ha, ha! We'll rebuild the South in no time-" Squirming, the idiot popped back into the mess of sheets and wrestled with an imaginary foe.

Well. Don't that just beat all.

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Man, I think listening to David Bowie and The Beatles all morning is starting to screw with me head.  



	4. And Beat around the Bush

The Killing Zoe soundtrack can lead to some incredible breakthroughs. That and the show Quantum Leap.

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Insert that damn standard disclaimer here.

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Okay, so ordinarily I don't answer reviews, but these two really stuck in my head: 

Gisela, as for your review on Progeny, I don't think it would be illegal, but my girlfriend assures me you'd be getting a ring on your finger and a pain in your ass.

And Lee-kun, your review of It's Raining Babies made me laugh so hard, it started raining juice out my nose.

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Last time, on Ninjas of Our Lives, I mean, Academic Probabation: 

Naruto kissed Sasuke, who covered his face, and- and- when Sasuke finally came back to earth, it was closing time and Naruto was drunk under some sheets, but- but- but! It's not the end of the story! Sasuke got all sick and stuff and discovered he was pregnant!

...Not.

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Sweating profusely, the bartender inched around the writhing mass, and, finding an opportunity, grabbed the four corners of the bottom most cloth and tied them together. "Argh! You'll never take me alive! Sasuke, Colonel Sanders caught me! Help! I don't want to become a family four piece meal!" 

"Dobe. You'd make more than a four pieces."

"Okay, fine. A sixteen piece bucket then."

"You can't make fried chicken out of a big turkey." Naruto seemed to think this over, allowing Sasuke and the barkeep ample time to drag him out the door and into the waiting cab.

1-2-3- **_HEAVE_**! And the bundle of Naruto was chucked inside, Sasuke following in a decidedly more respectful manner.

"I'll bill you for the table cloths." The bartender stated before the door was shut. The deadbolt clicked immediately.

Gazing into the open door with a great amount of apprehension, Sasuke finally sagged his shoulders in defeat. Getting in, he sat beside the writhing mass of dumbass.

The cab pulled away from the curb. The passenger locks sounded. There was no escape.

"Geh heh heh heh." The sheets twisted into the shape of a human, sitting up next to Sasuke. It fidgeted and twitched as the man inside let loose a colourful string of curses and laughed at the same time.

"That was a good one, Sasuke." A muffled voice rang out, the mummy hunched over and started bumping its head against his shoulder as it fought to contain its laughter.

"I mean- A turkey! It's not like you to come up with comebacks. You usually just grunt and turn your nose up in the air- Then you strut around like a boy chicken-"

"It's called a cock, you dork."

"Really? I would have called you a dick, but I guess that's close enough..." Naruto trailed off as he fought to release himself with renewed vigor. Sasuke sighed, and helped him tug one off his head.

"Ow- OW! Jackass, that's my hair!" Sasuke pulled harder, enjoying himself. Eventually, with a lot of tugging and a few patches of yellow hair, Naruto was free and Sasuke was left wondering why he'd help him in the first place. Naruto had seemed sober, but after releasing him from his cotton prison the moron had become lethargic and draped himself on Sasuke's increasingly tense body.

"Get off."

"Nrgh..." The dumbnut drawled, spineless.

"I...said...**OFF**." Sasuke shoved him over. If he was going to be boneless, he could damn well be a blob on the other end of the seat.

It was silent for a few moments, maybe the drunken idiot passed out.

"Urrr... man, I really need to clip my nails.. Don't you think so, Sasuke-dude?" The weight descended upon him again, hot breath on his neck, heart beat against his side, dirty nails **_right in his face._**

"Ugh. Y'know, manicures aren't considered _effeminate_ these days." The Uchiha scrunched his nose. Truthfully, Naruto's nails weren't all that bad. But no one really wants someone's grubby paws near enough to stick 'em in the eyes.

"Fine then, be that way." Miffed, Naruto opened the car door-

"I don't gotta take crap from yooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu- - - - - - -"

and promptly rolled out of the moving vehicle.

"_**HOLY SHIT!**"_ Screamed the driver, voicing a stunned Sasuke's very thoughts.

Well, almost.

_What the hell is with that idiot and cars?_

Once again, luck would have it that they weren't traveling very fast. The driver slammed on the brakes, jerking Sasuke forward, and as soon as the parking brake was set they simultaneously jumped out in search of the moron.

"Hoo hee, ha, ha ,ha!Thank god crazy shit like that doesn't happen everyday!" Laughed a voice in the vicinity of a patch of bushes not too far from where Sasuke was standing.

"_Oh... oh, man._" The driver mumbled, clutching his heart. He wasn't old looking, but a scare like that was likely to jolt anyone's system. Sasuke himself wondered why he hadn't keeled over, but he chalked that up to numbness from his earlier shock.

"Okay, I- I'm going to leave... and... and he's alright... so I'm going to leave and I won't charge you... so... just don't call my service again... okay...?" Shuddered the man, walking shakily back to his cab, leaving the two educators behind, hopefully for good.

It wasn't so bad, though. Sasuke's place was only a few blocks away, and he wasn't so drunk that he couldn't take Naruto home, wherever that may be.

"C'mon, dummy." Sasuke reached blindly into the bushes, feeling for that familiar warmth.

"Ear, ear! Argh, watch the ear!" The blonde howled when Sasuke found his target. Smirking in satisfaction, Sasuke tugged, heedless of Naruto's pleas.

"Ow–ow-ow-ow-ow-owwwww!" The Uzumaki emerged, covered in leaves and filth, his earlobe pinched between Sasuke's merciless fingers.

_Like a prize winning Largemouth Bass_.

But noise doesn't have a repercussion, lights flicked on throughout the block.

"**WHO'S OUT THERE! I'M CALLING THE POLICE!"**

That's the problem with small towns. Sure, the neighbors are friendly, but interrupt their sleep and there'll be hell to pay.

"Oh, shit." Naruto muttered.

Sasuke found his hand removed from the other's ear and slipped firmly into a larger hand.

Hardly given time to realize his new position, he was tugged into a swift run.

_What- Wha-? _His brain stuttered. Leaves and branches exploded around him as they took several shortcuts through hedges and gardens, a siren barely heard in the distance quickly faded away.

_Please don't tell me he has experience at this!_

"Whew! That's the closest I've ever been to being caught!" Naruto panted, leading the dumbstruck Uchiha up an apartment complex staircase. He paused, leaning against a weathered door and catching his breath.

One hand fished around his pocket for keys, the other clutched his chest as he wheezed and panted.

That hand still unknowingly held Sasuke's.

Flushing red, Sasuke lowered his gaze. He could feel Naruto's heartbeat, erratic and pounding as it was.

Just like his.

The door creaked open, and without realizing, Sasuke made to step in, only to be stopped by Naruto's body.

"Well, I had a good night, it was really fun! We should hang out again sometime, just you and me."

"You and... me?" Sasuke murmured, slightly tightening his fingers around Naruto's.

"Yeah!" The hand slipped away, ruffling his hair instead. "It's hilarious teasing you! When we're around everyone else, they always get in the way!"

"See ya later!" The door shut, leaving Sasuke outside to make his way home.

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Okay, I'm guilty. I said updates would be frequent, and I sincerely thought so. But I'm sick again, and the chapters are there (Believe me, really!) but I'm fine tuning them. Seriously. There are three chapters of Eclipse done, but I'm unhappy with certain events and wordings, so they're being refurbished and fancy-fied. Overhauled, for lack of a better term. Another two chapters for Horse, and I forget what else. Every story that is a continuation has more chapters in the wings! And one shots, my god, I have a backlog of one shots. It's finding the time that's a bitch. 

On another note that many will surely kill me for, I've gotta say I'm getting a nice tan worked up. (That's a good thing. People that are anime-wise say I'm like a weird cross between Sasuke and Monkey D. Luffy, and while I'm all for the Luffy part, my bastard side doesn't want to be associated with that dumb ol' Uchiha)


End file.
